In Loving Memory and A view that was proven wrong..

4 years ago, I attended a funeral of a great mentor, a sister, companion and wonderful mother. It was a sudden death. She only had fever, passed out and was unconscious before she passed away peacefully beside her husband. When I reach her home, her then 10 years old daughter and her son (i think he was about 7-8 years old) was sitting beside her reciting Surah Yaasin. She looked different and that was the first time I see a lifeless body. Before she was taken away, all her children took turn to give her a final kiss goodbye. Last one was her 1 year old baby girl who refuse too get up and keep kissing her mother.. We all cried.. and at time Sarah was only 4 and as a mother I was deeply touched especially when the baby was still breastfeeding.

I was very close to both 'arwah' and her husband. She was my senior in secondary school married to our teacher when she was 16 years old I think and they both had a glamorous wedding in our school hall. When I first found out that her husband was getting married few months after she passed away, I was a bit irritated and annoyed.. (okay.. a lot!) thinking how easy his love changed places.. its like Pak Lah saying that a human heart has many 'sections'/places for different people in life.. I was like.. why the rush, why so soon? and I have so many doubts that the new person can be a good mother. I forgotten that its actually beyond my control and I have no say in that.. being too emotional over the fact that I am no one.. just a close friend. For a while I stayed away. A year after that, my teacher (arwah's husband who was also my 'abang angkat' during my school days) invited us to her daughter's 'majlis khatam qur'an'. From there my views have changes. I saw arwah's youngest daughter was very close to her stepm-mum although by that time she has already have a new baby sister. Seeing them getting along quite well, I finally felt a sense of relief... The kids are well taken care off (insya-allah). Needless to say her presence in our lives will be missed.. dearly but knowing that she will be at a better 'place' supersedes the sadness in my heart. She was a devoted mother. She was a very caring sister, a great daughter, wonderful mentor.. all in all its hard to find someone as 'cool' as my beloved and forever missed sister Sarina Shahbuddin.

Sometimes anger makes us forget the kindness people have given us. I was once blinded by that.. not any more.. though I do not want to be 'replaced' if I am no longer exist in this world, I should remember well tht when the time comes.. there is really nothing I can do.. and I don't think it will matter to me anymore. What matters most is the people left behind.. the husband, the children, the parents, siblings (list goes on) are all well taken care of.

I always remember what I had gone through during my childhood as the worst thing that had happened to me.. but after the accident I think that will be the 'worst thing happen in my life' story that I will be remembering and relaying 20 years down the road! (hahha...) as nothing beats the test of losing your children.. as I just told yasmeen last night that I love her very much.. although I might be caning her at times.. ( she said yes.. thats because you love me) I still love her and her sisters and they remain the most important person in my life that I will give up my own life for them.

Everything happens for a reason...

I might be quite late now that most of the people are heading off to Kampung but I sincerely would like to beg for forgiveness to all my friends and followers. Another year has passed and Alhamdulillah I am still around to bug your lives! hahaha

Salam Aidilfitri.. Maaf Zahir Batin from all of us..

Liza Masrina, Khairudin Affendi, Yasmeen Zulaikha, Sarah Khadijah & Hannah Rumaysa