Memoirs - Year of the Tiger 2010

 

 

 

 

Its a long Chinese New Year Holiday for all of us. Having the chance to spend the entire 4 days off work at home with the kids, is really fun. Yasmeen has been counting days since day 1 as she was aware that she has 1 day leave extra than us the working adults. We went to Brother’s place and had dinner with Karen and Abie. Mum didn’t come coz she said her father was admitted which at the end she did’t go anywhere but stayed at home. Perhaps she just doesn’t feel like going. To me its always nice to catch up with my siblings and even aunts and uncles once in a while but sometime that doesn’t go down well with mum. Not sure why, sometimes she just appeared ‘different’ to me while other time she just wants to be alone (maybe).

Its not very easy to bring up kids and mould them to be what you want them to be. Is it really that? To mould the kids to be what you want them to be? Or it is better to  guide them through the years so that they become what they wanted to be but at the same time is correct in doing so? Give them the freedom to think and do what they should do but at the same time correct them and let them see the consequences or results of their decision? Hmmmm....

 

Often we gave the wrong idea, pass the wrong message to the kids without realizing it. I remember I once told yasmeen that she is a ‘Big girl’ and that she must tolerate Sarah. Let Sarah have her toy. Later, when she asked me about something else, something that to me is too early for her to understand and do I told her that “No, you are still small (young)” to which she responded to me saying that I had just told her that she’s a ‘Big’ girl already. Sometimes it is just wise to let ‘Kids be kids’ let them fight over a ball if need be, let them pull each other hair for a while until both can feel the pain, let them fall off the bike once or twice. How do they know that it is not a good thing to do? Will telling them not to do something is more effective than to let them see why they shouldn’t do it? I hope I can imply this better on my kids in future. Maybe that’ll work. Will update here if it really works. So far, its been really great nurturing girls. I could not imagine having to bring up boys as the saying “Women are from Venus, Mens are from Mars” or something like that just to show how different boys and girls are meant to be.

 

Where has this blog leading to? Ha ha! 1^st day of CNY, we went nowhere. Just had breakfast and then head home. Abang does his house cleaning and me ironing clothes and cooking lunch cum dinner for the famiy. 2^nd day of CNY, we went to Shah Alam Wet World (Yasmeen translated it to “Basah Dunia”) just be surprised with the loooooooooooooooong curving queue at the ticket counter. We then went to Sunway Lagoon, same long queue but with much much expensive ticket price. When we decided to leave Sunway Lagoon, the 2 girls were nothing but disappointed, sad, heart broken and etc. Yasmeen even mumbled “but Ayah had promised us..” while Sarah keeps repeating “but I wanna swim”. I wish I could just close 1 eye, bought the tix and brought them in but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. To this I have no one to blame but myself.. its just not me. Maybe in the future when money doesn’t mean anything to me but for now, 48+48+36+36=?? 168! Is a big chunk! That is excluding the food and drinks one had to purchase when in the Lagoon! After they both calm down, we finally reached Desa waterpark @ 11.30ish and let them play till almost 2.30.They were satisfied but could still not let go of the view they had on Sunway Lagoon. Yasmeen reminded me by saying “do you know that @ Sunway Lagoon  the fun never ends??!”  I am sorry to disappoint them but they just wouldn’t understand the value of money at this stage of age. I felt sorry looking at their teary eye but am relieved that they at least got to spend their time at Desa Waterpark rather than just pack and leave!

 

Chinese New Year reminds me of so many things. My grandparents, Ah Kong and Ah Ma. Both were very close to my heart. Very-very close. I can say that I love them almost as much as I love my own parents. Always we tend to realize that we love and care for them when they have gone. Loved ones were mostly appreciated when they are no longer with us. Shouldn’t we be showing love and affection, humbly tell them that we love them, couldn’t live a day without them while they are still around to hear it and feel it?? I can clearly remember those days Ah Ma took care of me, tied my hair, cooked me meals, bought me new dress for CNY, hold my hands while crossing the road to Sentul Pasar! I also remember the way she pound the fish paste for Yong Tau Foo, how she showed me to clean the squid and the many steps of cleaning real live shark’s fin for shark’s fin soup. I remember Ah Kongs fish smell every time he came back from Sentul Pasar, his white silver hair combed aside neatly before he walked all the way to ‘Chowkelot’ (Chow Kit Road), the look in his face when he uttered “Lisa, Ah Kong is dying already” to which I broke down in tears! All those memoirs that a grandchild suppose to have went through with their grandparents. I can say that they are the ones who picked us up when we’re down and that I regretted I do not have the chance to repay them a favour. May they rest in peace....

 

 

 

 

 

Liza Masrina Ibrahim

I Don't Wanna Do This Anymore!

 

I know I worked hard for my studies because I know I am not a brilliant, straight A student. I also clearly recalled targeting to get myself into a university or at least UITM (then was ITM) coz I heard its easier to get a place in UITM compared to University. I worked hard! I practically pushed aside all the friends who were busy working for extra money and concentrate on my studies. Juggling studies and attending to my 3 younger brothers, often I have limited time for myself and everywhere I go. I’ll tag my younger ones along.

 

I got 1^st grade for my SPM result and yet I remember feeling so frustrated. My application for a place in a University was never successful. Same goes for my UITM applications. I don’t know why must I remind myself of all this again and again? Will it increase my motivation or will it make me feel the anger and frustration all over again.  I got a few offers from Lim Kwok Wing Institute (now a University), Kolej Lagenda in Langkawi but when I told my mum about the offer, she will without even looking at the offer letter told me “I don’t have the money. What if you cannot finish your studies? What if you then decided to quit?” all question which leads to a simple ‘NO’.

 

Then I thought.. Oh! Ya, I still have some money left in the savings account. I remember spending almost 4k for a Certificate in Information and System Management which had no added value to any of my job application except that I am not ‘IT blind’. One must be wondering, why Liza, did you take up this not recognized certificate from this ‘never heard of before’ collage? Dear readers, it was at that time the cheapest course I know and I have nobody to turn to for some advice in education and career. I am interested in broadcasting but that course alone cost almost 25K! Where to get that kind of money? Who would want to secure a study loan for me? And yes, I was stupid enough to believe the counsellor that the IT course will bring me somewhere and that I can be a computer application programmer!

 

After that it was nothing but a sequence of job hunting – changing –hunting – changing stories for me until I end up to be where I am now. Oh ya! I forgot to mention that I also took a Certificate in Computer Graphics Design from Cosmopoint College.

 

Each time I travel pass UM, UITM or the like I looked at the campus with much hope that one day I will have the chance to set foot into this university.

 

I dedicate most of my time for my brothers. Attending to their needs, listening to their problems, ease their heartache and sometimes ease my own heartache from their attitude, giving them motivation, planning what seems to be impossible for their future. At that time everything seems to be so difficult. And each time they screw up, I will be the one picking them up and get them moving again. Giving them endless chances and being let down over and over again. Finally both of them finish their SPM, got a certificate and started working. They did not excel any better than I am but at least they can now live on their own. I can proudly say that they may no longer need me around anymore. I finally be able to breathe my own fresh air.

 

So what is the purpose of this posting?

 

I want to clear my mind.. I feel so disturbed.. 10 years ago when my 2 brothers were younger, I face great challenge to help them. Many of a time I will have to appear before their teacher/principle because they were absent from school. Mum was working hard and hardly would want to go to their school. I don’t remember mum ever went to their school to pick up their report cards. It was very tiring, most challenging years in my life as I was alone fighting the battle. I remember once I packed my clothes and left the house as I couldn’t take it anymore. I was lucky I met my school teacher who then asked me to return home. I went out to look for Izuan who sometimes didn’t come home for a few days and no one bother to look for him! Went up and down the court for him, pushing him off the limit, brain-wash him, encouraging him, giving him support morally and monetary, everything he needs to move forward when everyone just ignored him! I scolded Abi when I found out about the numerous warning letters he hid from mum, registered him for a private school, encourage him though he seldom creates a scene.

 

Today, history seems to be repeating itself only different cast, different story board. Iqbal, a boy with the most out of life, has nothing to worry, has his school fees settled on first day of school without even have to be called by the teacher to ask about outstanding fees, were given all the resources and luxury a normal boy can ask for (just normal boy ya, not the super rich ones), who even has his own handphone at the age of 13, who was well educated both ‘duniawi’ (life) and ‘ukhrawi’ (life after death) today behaves worst than the 2 elder brothers of him! At the first 2 years of his incredible attitude drama, I was worried, like his elder ones before him, I would want him to have the equal chances of changing his persona so that he can be better but unfortunately he just don’t realize how lucky he was!!

 

All I can say is that he is a spoilt brat! He was given all that was not given to his 2 brothers before him, He was treated much2 better than his 2 brothers before him, He has all the resources and money much2 better than his 2 brothers before him, He was loved even spoilt better than his 2 brothers before him. I must say that I am finally giving up on someone in my family.. and I don’t think I would want to do anything on or for him as I think he was given MORE than just chances. He is SPOILT and he doesn’t need me to spoilt him any further. I have done everything for him and he has never ONCE made me feel I was given the due respect as his sister. I can consciously say that he has betrayed my trust and hopes too many times. Now is the time that he fight his own battle, alone.. Maybe mum will attend to him, but not me. I think he is better to be on his own. If he wants to change he will with or without me. I don’t think I wanted to go through this again as I have before.

 

He was lucky he is the youngest, had he is at Izuan’s place, or even worst my place, he would have been banished from home by now!

 

It is only fair to say that after so many years attending to brothers’ problem, it is now time for me to attend to my own life, own family and own achievement.. do you agree with me people?! (ada ke people baca this blog! Haha!) I think I’ve spend enough time of my life worrying about my brothers and it is now time for me to do what I wanted to do but was denied the opportunity to do so before! I wanna set foot in a Uni!

 

With help and support from my dear Husband and family, insya-allah I hope I will get there soon......