Are we friends or are we NOT?

Of all the people we met there will be a certain someone who will remain dear to us. Though we may be indifferent at times but we know that its the true friendship that bound us together.

 

How do you determine a true friend? One that always keep you up when you’re down. One who never tries to belittle you or look down on you. To me a true friend is not hard to find! Yes, it wasn’t a typo error.. a true friend IS NOT HARD to find. You can easily tell if that certain someone is indeed your friend. Does someone who couldn’t stand seeing you be treated a little bit better, who most of the time tries very hard to prove that yours truly can be as good as you are and could do whatever you are able to do. In short is trying very hard to be (if not) better than you at least at par with your simple ability and many talent. Simply because that friend of yours couldn’t handle those praised you get from others.

 

Owh! well... to me if that certain someone is identified as someone who is so not keen to deal with true friendship then, thank you for the friendship but no thanks! May you find contempt in the person whom you hated so much but became obviously so kind to her lately just so that you could once in a while tease or give a piece of your mind. I would rather be the person who well, is obviously not being too much of a jolly good friend but who is just there to show that am not in the same page as she is so most of the time yes, we will be and remain on different page! Would try my level best to not even walk with you unnecessarily!

 

The rule is simple, if I know I will never agree with her ways of doing things or even her ways of making friends, I will just show to that person that “look, we are just plain colleague, not more not less and I don’t give a s**t about how you feel or think about me so, be it”. Its not holding grudge, its just to say that we are not compatible and will never be. I will not make myself condone to your attitude just so that I appear as an angel in disguise, so kind that I could accept and your pros and cons! In short, don’t give me nonsense!~

 

I learn from past experience that if you could not be friends, stay away so that you won’t be enemy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Erti Korban

Hati ni rasa membuak-buak ingin meledakkan segala yang terbuku dihati. Aku rasa sangat kagum dengan ibu mertuaku. Walau dia tidak berpelajaran tinggi tapi pada aku dia seorang srikandi yang tabah. Tabah dan cekal menghadapi karenah ibunya yang pada aku kebanyakan masanya agak keterlaluan. Benarkah bila diri dimamah usia sikap dan tingkah laku seseorang yang berubah dan menjengkelkan orang disekeliling kita?

Aku diberitahu yang ibu mertua aku menghidap penyakit sawan sejak aku mula mengenali suamiku. Waktu itu aku tidak pernah berhadapan dengan situasi sebenar bila dia diserang penyakit misteri itu. Yang pernah aku lihat hanyalah satu keadaan dimana dia seolah-olah berkhayal dan tidak memberi respon apa-apa pun bila kita memanggil namanya. Beberapa minit kemudian dia akan kembali normal. Kali pertama berhadapan dengan penyakit sawan yang menyebabkan kekejangan kaki dan tangan, aku terperanjat! Sedih dan Simpati dengan keadaannya. Namun Mak tetap tabah.. bila terasa badan lebih sihat, ibu mertuaku yang usianya sudah lebih ½ abad ini, kuatkan kudrat kerana menyedari ada 2 tanggungan yang memerlukan dia.

Nenek dikurniakan dengan 5 orang anak. Mak satu-satunya anak perempuan nenek. Along, anak sulung nenek lahir dan membesar secara normal. Menurut cerita busu, Along semasa zaman awal remaja, sangat rajin di kampung. Kerana terlalu rajin, dia seorang diri mengalihkan bangkai lembu yang dijumpainya suatu hari pada waktu senja dan menanam bangkai itu. Selepas itu Along diserang demam panas dan kepalanya tidak dapat ditegakkan. Ada dukun yang memberitahu supaya menggali kembali bangkai lembu itu dan dibetulkan kedudukan leher lembu itu. Selepas itu, demam Along kebah, lehernya kembali normal tapi ‘mental’ jadi kacau! Selama beberapa tahun Along berulang alik ke Tanjung Rambutan. Kemudian di beri ubat untuk penyakit mental. Mungkin menjadi kebiasaan orang kampung, wanitanya menghamba-abdikan diri kepada lelaki. Kerja-kerja rumah, kerja-kerja dapur yang tidak pernah berkesudahan. Jarang sekali yang laki-laki meringankan tulang mebantu di dapur. Kebanyakan masanya, bersantai-baring di ruang tamu sementara menanti waktu makan. Walau selewat mana makan tengah hari, jika jam melewati 3.30 petang dan minum petang tidak terhidang maka berkumandanglah ‘radio nogori’ “pot-pet-pot-pet”! namun Mak akur..

Mak, pada aku sangat penyabar orangnya, tidak banyak karenah, penyayang, pemurah dan untuk seorang wanita yang hampir seluruh hidupnya didedikasikan kepada Ibu tuanya,  pada aku terlalu besar pengorbanan Mak.. sebagai anak, adik, kakak dan sebagai ibu. Kerana itu, aku tidak mengharapkan pengorbanan darinya sebagai seorang ibu mertua. Aku mahu dia menerima pengorbanan aku pula.. namun, di mata aku, Mak tetap berkorban. Berkorban untuk tinggal dikampung bersama nenek dan memberi restunya kepada anak-anaknya bekerja jauh dari dia untuk mencari rezeki. Yes, restu mak adalah pengorbanan dia untuk kami. Mak bertanggungjawam menguruskan makan minum nenek, makan minum Along. Semua mesti tepat pada masa. Walau sakit, walau terlantar, sebaik boleh bangkit dari tidur, nenek akan segera mengerah Mak untuk menyediakan makan minum Along! Sukar untuk difahami mengapa perlu disediakan serba-serbi untuk Along. Bukankah lebih baik jika Along mampu berdikari.. ini tidak, makanannya pun siap dihidangkan didepan mata!

Perkara yang sama mak lakukan untuk Nenek pula. Selain makan minum, ubat-ubatan, sireh nenek disediakan juga. Sukar untuk digambarkan jadual mak seharian menyediakan keperluan untuk orang lain. Bagaimana pula keperluan dirinya sendiri?

Disebabkan penyakit sawan yang memang menjadi teman Mak sejak kecil, Ubat juga menjadi teman akrab Mak. Aidil Fitri yang lalu mak diserang sawan hingga Busu menghantar Mak ke Hospital. Aidil Adha, mak diserang sawan lagi. Kali ini lebih malang, Mak diserang berkali-kali menyebabkan dia tidak sedarkan diri lebih 24 jam. Kami hanya sempat menemankan Mak beberapa jam dan terpaksa pulang semula ke Kuala Lumpur. Mujur, Angah, Achik dan Busu pulang bergilir meneman dan menguruskan Mak, Nenek dan Along di kampung. Semua serba tak kena, rumah tak sepertinya.. begitulah bila ‘Orang Kuat’ tumbang! Ada masanya hanya bila sakit terlantar saja Mak dapat berehat. Itupun, jika mak sudah beransur pulih, dia masih perlu menguatkan diri untuk bangun menguruskan makan minum Along.

Ada masanya terasa muak bila menyebut kisah mak dan terpaksa mengaitkan aktiviti seharian Mak dengan Along. Pada aku secara peribadinya aku berpendapat yang Along itu tidak sepicing pun tanggungjawab Mak. Atas dasar simpati, belas ihsan dan kerana Nenek, Mak rela berkorban untuk berbakti kepada Along.

Pernah aku mencadangkan pada suamiku, andai kata Nenek sudah tiada lagi didunia ini, aku ingin Mak pergi berjalan-jalan makan angin.. tanpa perlu bimbang tentang Along! Aku cadangkan mereka menghantar Along ke rumah orang tua-tua kerana aku ingin Mak rasa BEBAS! Kebebasan untuk melakukan apa yang ingin Mak lakukan selama ini. Aku ingin Mak rasa hidup tanpa dikongkong rasa tanggungjawab yang berat sebelah.

To me, life has not been very fair for Mak! She needs the freedom. She deserve it!

Aku berdoa semoga Allah mengurniakan kesihatan yang baik buat Mak yang tak pernah jemu-jemu berkorban untuk orang lain. Ya Allah! Sebagai balasan kepada pengorbanan Mak, kau berikanlah dia kesihatan yang baik, jauhilah Mak dari sakit dan gangguan yang nyata dan yang tidak dapat dilihat oleh mata kasar dan sembuhkanlah penyakit mak.. Aminnnn

Kepadamu kekasih... aku berserah.. kerana ku tahu kau lebih mengerti..

Hanya padamu kekasih aku tinggalkan.. jawapan yang belum ku temukan..

Yang bakal aku nantikan.. bila malam menjemputku lena beradu...

Liza Masrina Ibrahim

4 Disember 2009

It isn't easy and it doesn't happen to everyone..

Yesterday, the announcement of the UPSR result was made for all Primary schools in Malaysia. It reminds me when I took my result in SK Sacred Heart Cannossian Convent. How do I eventually end up being there? Well its a looooong story altogether.. anyway, I still remembered the silence and the look on my father’s face... couldn’t believe I got 3A’s and a D! 1 D has actually overshadowed the other 3 A’s in front. I felt upset, sad, frustrated, scared all at the same time. There’s hardly any smile on my face at that moment.

 

Looking back, I felt a bit proud of myself actually. I was a drop-out when I was in standard 3. I did not went to any school for the whole of standard 4 and 5 but only managed to go back to school when I was in standard 6 in Melaka while travelling every morning from Durian Daun to Bandar Hilir by bus as early as 6 am. Left out almost 2/6 of the whole of primary years, 3As and 1D is really quite an achievement! Its not easy though, I did not do my revisions, I did not go for any tuitions, I did not go for any extra classes in school.. normal school hours, ditto.

 

I remembered SHCC’s then headmistress, Ms. Helen Pereira. She is a very good person, Very attentive, caring, full of support and everyone respect her very much! (she deserves it!). She was the one who saw me wondering in the school compound and asked me who I am with. She went on to meet my father when we were sleeping behind the sound and light show sitting in Bandar Hilir and asked my father to transfer me to SHCC so that I may sit for my UPSR exam that year. She has so much confidence in me. Always encourage to me participate in the school activity. I remembered a clown dance (we wore gloves, paint our faces and dance with a rock n roll song). She always put my name in the list of recipient of ‘bantuan’ for Hari Raya, she would come over to my class just to check on me and even teaches English subject for my class! Once, she took me and Izuan to the school canteed and ordered the canteed owner to give us meal everyday, whatever we want, whenever we want and bill it to her! Too bad, after I got my UPSR exam and came back for my ‘sijil tamat persekolahan’, I never met her again. Here, today,  I would like to record my sincere appreciation and gratitude to a very kind person who has helped me so much in a year! I wish I would be able to see her again.

 

I heard Ms. Helen Pereira got married to a ‘Mat Saleh’. Not so sure about that, but a person as kind as her will be blessed with a very happy family. I hope she is living happily wherever she is now.. which reminds me, maybe I can search for her in FB!

 

Liza Masrina Ibrahim

 

 

 

 

Another day, another story..

Days in the office are never quiet.. most of the time we tease each other, some other time we share stories. Always its about family, kids, husband, mother, relatives and the list goes on and on.

 

Last night, I created a facebook account for Yasmeen. The main reason is to just let her play with farm ville.. nothing much. But I hope there will be a limit for it.. just farm ville and nothing more than that. Its good to be Internet savvy but not addicted to it like her ‘achu’!

 

Yasmeen is special in her own way. Besides being very attentive, she is how I was when I was her age. I often see myself in her. When I nagged at her for not drying her towel after bath, it reminds me of the days mum used to nag at me! Looking at her interest to help in the kitchen and her enthusiastic look when I let her play or deco the cake again reminds me of when I used to sit next to my Aunty Aileen when she was mixing the batter for a chocolate cake! I said it looks like ‘pooh-pooh’ and she was so upset she said “Fine! Then u don’t eat when its baked!” hahahaha! I also often followed her when she attended a cooking class somewhere in Jalan Ipoh, I tagged along when I was about Yasmeen’s age or younger. Maybe I should let her participate more in the kitchen now that she’s 7. I know I’m going to miss this moment if I don’t do it soon.

 

When they’re below teenage everything u do means so much to them. Even a simple cake will impress my daughters. Yasmeen looked highly on me. Often praised me for the things I did.. as I will when she did well in no matter what. Although she clings on me and most of the time be fairly obedient, sometimes she will rebel.. and when that happens, it usually turns ugly. Often because I wanted to remain ‘right’ most of the time without wanted to listen to what she wanted to say. I think that is what I need to cut out on. Being the eldest I expect she could at least guide her sisters in whatever I’ve guided her.

 

I have a friend whom I know is very worry to be pushed aside by her teenage daughter. No matter how close you are to your girls, come a day you will have to let loose of the string and let the young kite fly.. fly high but still holding on the string so that you could still pull her down when she has gone too far out of sight. I remember my teenage ‘years’ as a kite being given full fledge to fly! Nothing could stop me really except for the love for my mother! Whatever I do, although it is to actually get back at her, I always think twice. I know, I’ve made mistakes.. things I hope none of my daughters will ever do in their whole entire life but I regret and I repent! Ya Allah, Ampunkan lah dosa2 ku.. Whats past is past.. I have to acknowledge that was my own mistake and has nothing to do with anyone in the whole wide world, its totally, 100% my choice. Like I’ve said before, let nothing we do today be remembered as a reason for something that will happen in the future. No.. karma.. its all fated! Ditto!

 

That being said, I hope I could remain as a very close friend to my daughters. I hope in whatever they do, they will always have me in their list. While being strict and particularly fussy in most of the things as compared to their father, I did it out of love.. for my daughters.  I acknowledge that all mothers feel the same. Especially concern if you have girls and mind you I have 3!

 

I  must say that despite the huge responsibility, the freedom, the countless misunderstanding and judgement, I love my mother, Nurul Huda Mohamed dearly more than anything precious in this world! Its her trust, her love, her advice, her understanding that made me who I am today. Credit should be given for her openness in almost everything when it comes to any matters concerning me! I love you, Mi!

 

My daughters are the next most precious thing in my life! I would give up anything for them. That being said, I hope I could give them all the love they want and be the best-est mother in all land!!

 

 

Liza Masrina Ibrahim

November chill, November heat..

 

Its been a while since I last posted something on this blog, time flies when you’re enjoying yourself and indeed I am. Found a new passion and a dying a desire to bake since I came back from my maternity leave hence limiting my time to almost everything I’ve been doing before.. sewing for example!

 

For so many talent I have, I am alhamdulillah very greatful for the many talent and skills I am born with. Some people are born with a special hidden talent that will be discovered as they grew older or is it just my interest that made that work?! I don’t know but what ever it is, it comes very naturally.. not because of jelousy or ‘kiasu’ to someone else. I know others who wanted to do the same simply because they can’t take it when other people seems to be a little bit MORE them themselves. Kiasu la tu!!

 

Anyway, lets get back on track..

 

Yasmeen’s 1^st year at school is almost to the end. Looking at her, I see part of myself (Dhaaa?!) I mean her attitude, her interest, her talent. I hope all my girls will have all the skills I have and the ‘magical hand’ I am blesses with. I sure hope they are ‘gifted’ just like their mama (or ‘ibu’ as they enjoy calling nowadays!) Yasmeen, writing skills are good, her grades in Bahasa Melayu and English is good but her maths is just like me! Hahaha not so good and couldn’t be bothered to count! The first 6 months of year 2009, she went to Sekolah Agama, progress is not so good, with her exam marks be just beyond the ‘fail’ line, I only see a very stresses and tired little girl. Come June, during my confinement, she started to skip her Sekolah Agama. Since she started her year 1, with 2 schools, we pass the ‘mengaji’ session to accomodate her homeworks. By end of June, she stopped her Sekolah Agama completely. I remember once day during Syawal month she came back from school asking if she could go to her Sekolah Agama for just 1 day to join the ‘Majlis Hari Raya’   Just 1 day?! Hahaha I laugh out loud just by remembering the look on her face! Anyway, we managed to talked her off the idea of going for just 1 day and having to answer all the questions imposed by her Ustazah about her dissapearance!

 

Sarah on the other hand has been showing signs of learning to write and read. Once, I was filling in Yasmeen’s school form and I was writing her name, when my pen fnished wiriting ‘H’ she uttered ‘Sarah’.. I looked at her and asked her how does she knows its her name? “ye la.. tu kan Sarah Khadijah”.. may be its just a conincidence but surely its a nice one! Sarah is a very soft hearted sister. She is something like her ‘Ayah’. She show affecting in her own way, very softly.. sometimes she will kiss Hannah’s little finger, sometimes she will just sit next to Hannah and stroke her hair.. she will speak very softly to her sister.. not a very good entertainer like Yasmeen but she love her sister dearly! We went to have lunch and there was a ‘makcik’ who worked at the Nasi Ayam stall offer to carry Hannah while we have our lunch. Sarah was eating her plate of Nasi Ayam when she suddenly stop eating and her eyes were still looking at the ‘Makcik’ carring her sister. She keep on asking “Nyape nenek tu dukung Hannah??” (why is the granny carrying Hannah?) to that I said its just for a while until we all finish eating. Restless, She finally gave up eating! Later that evening when Makcik Patimah (my weekly cleaner) came by, I told her of the incident, Sarah told her Nenek Patimah “Ye la, nenek tu ambik Hannah, Arah tak bole makan la..” (Ya, the granny took Hannah that’s why I can’t eat la..). That goes to show how much she adores Hannah!

 

Cody’s birthday on 10th October 2009, brother celebrated at a Restaurant in Damansara Perdana. I made a no. 1 cake for Cody. It reminds me of those many cakes we had when we were young. I have had a no. 7 , no. 9 cake. Izuan had no. 1 cake, brother also had no. 8 cake if I’m not mistaken. Only Abie doesn’t have one. Looking back, so many things has happened since so many years. 30 years of my life is so full of drama, colours of life, countless misunderstanding, thousands of fights! When Izuan and Abie was still schoolgoing, its is with great challenge that they finish their studies and at least have a SPM regardless the results. After SPM is not the end of anything, its the beginning of a new line of life. I enrolled both to CIDB programme and they both graduated a Certificate in Architectural Drafting. At that time, I do hope that the similarities will bring them closer togther but I have forgotten being just a few years gap, they in turn always compete against each other.

 

Its amazing how they could be so  nice to other people who aren’t their flesh and blood as compared to their own siblings! Reasons may be “Outsiders treats u better than your own family” but is it true?? No doubt that there are friends as good as family but no one could ever take the place of your family member. That is what I’ve been standing for all these years. I can just leave everything behind and move on with my life having a small family but why do I take the risk, take the chance, take the blame, take the challenge of guiding these few bulls left in the family? Why don’t just walk off and let them figure out what they want to do with their life after all I have helped them enough! Why must I still be there for them to consult, for them to talk to, for them to scream at and for them to lean on when they’re in trouble?

 

BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT FAMILIES ARE MEANT TO BE! To be able to forgive when there’s wrong, to be able to share when there’s happy or sorrow, good or bad, to be able to hold out a shoulder to lean on when needed,  to be able to see potential in every weaknesses, to be able to trust although it has always been betrayed, to be able to love regardless the price they need to pay! Most importantly, to be able to FORGIVE no matter what the case!

 

Sometimes I wonder, If we could do so much good, be so much nicer to other people just so that you look good in their eyes, don’t we wanna look good in the eyes of our family? In the eyes of our parents, siblings, spouse, children first before we even dream of being a ‘SAINT’ in the eyes of others..

 

Cheers,

 

Liza Masrina Ibrahim

12 November 2009

10.12 AM

Sent from the messy desk in Zain & Co

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Susah tak jadi mak?"

5th Syawal.. aku masih bercuti. Lepas kemas skit lebih kurang n bake a banana cake, aku dah tak tau nak buat apa.. Little Hannah is fast asleep.. masa yang ada aku gunakan untuk masuk facebook. Jumpa seorang kawan lama.. Shidek.. suddenly he popped a simple question.. but the answer is not so simple la.. "Susah tak jadi mak?" Jawap susah pun susah, jawap senang pun susah!

Being a mother is like being a person. U have to just be yourself.. not being anyone else. Pure, genuine, honest walau kadang kala susah nak berlaku jujur... Adil.. itu yang aku rasa lebih ramai para ibu susah nak 'maintain'! Preference mesti ada.. dan itulah yang cuba aku elakkan. I want to be as fair as possible. More than that I want to be what my kids expect me to be.. well.. as much as possible that is.

What I can say is, its not easy being a mother but its not difficult too. Its a life experience. Its a memory that one would want to remember as something so sweet, you will smile each time you think of it.

I want to remember and be remembered in a very special way... What every mother wants is to be a part of their children's life.. Walau anak itu mungkin sudah mempunyai kehidupannya sendiri. Alangkah baiknya kalau semua anak2 sedar dan tahu hakikat ini.

Bukan semua ibu berkesempatan menjadi seorang ibu yang di ingini oleh anak mereka. Ada yang terpaksa bekerja siang malam dan mengorbankan masa2 berharga bersama anak2 demi untuk membesarkan mereka. Kerana itu adakalanya mereka menjadi begitu jauh dari anak2 sendiri.. Bertuahlah ibu2 ini andai anaknya sedar yang hakikatnya dia tidak dapat bersama anaknya setiap waktu adalah untuk menyara anak itu. Kenyataannya adalah setiap titik peluh yang mengalir adalah demi KASIH SAYANG untuk anaknya.

Aku beruntung, anak aku juga bertuah. I am most of the time there for them. Will they be there for me when I need them in future? I hope the answer is yes, walaupun aku tahu it is a 50-50 gamble. Why?

Hari ini aku berbakti kepada suami, ibu, mertua, adik-beradik dan anak2. Untuk apa? Adakah supaya untuk aku dibalas dengan setimpal baktiku pada mereka dikemudian hari? NO.. What I do today is out of RESPONSIBILITY.. and doing my part being who I am to them. Tanggungjawab aku untuk berbakti kepada mereka.. tapi suatu hari nanti bila aku berada di 'bawah' putaran roda kehidupan, aku terima seadanya apa yang akan orang lain lakukan untukku kerana itu pula adalah tanggungjawab mereka dan dilakukan atas kesedaran dan kerelaan mereka sendiri. I think that way, I will live a happier life!

Liza Masrina Ibrahim

Blogging is new to me.. I have already created one for my 'little business' but this is one especially for my personal journal.

Semua orang ada blog so, I thought maybe I should have one. Life is short. Tak tau sampai bila hayat di kandung badan. Selama 30 tahun hidup ni pun dah terlalu banyak pengalaman yang dilalui. What makes me create this blog? Well, been thinking abt maintaining a blog with my 'personal' touch but couldn't find time for it. Today, I make time to create this blog. Memang hobi aku suka menulis pun... so, why not.. after all it is a tool tht one can use to remind oneself about things they don't want to forget and not want to remember too!

Maybe someday when I am no longer around, it can be something my kids read and learn about me.

Hari ni.. raya ke 2.. Aku tonton drama Mencari Sinar (or is it Mengejar Sinar?)lakonan Rosyam Noor & Fauziah Nawi. It kinda remind me of those days.. Hari2 yang pernah aku lalui.. Hari2 yang terasa tersangat hina di mata orang lain yang juga saudara sendiri. I cried and I told my 7 year old eldest girl that once I was like that little girl in the drama.. no home and slept out there in the streets. She was touched! tried her very best to calm me down and ensure me that it was all over.. But to me, it was never over.. it was just like only yesterday.....

Sebab itulah aku rasa blog ini perlu.. supaya aku tak lupa asal usul aku, supaya aku ada tempat untuk aku letakkan kenangan yang buat sementara waktu ini hanya ada dalam benak fikiran aku.. yang hanya aku seorang saja yang tahu.

Hopefully, rileksjap masih simpan posting2 aku yang lama bawah signature "Perjalanan Hidup Seorang Musafir". I've written quite a few.

Well, enough for today I think! mata pun dah mengantuk.. penat balik kampung belum hilang.