Its been a LONG while..

I know I have not been updating my blog for quite sometime now.. last one was when I was busy with yet another charity sale for a capability building project for my 'extended family' in Baitul Ehsan Al Khairi. Alhamdulillah all went well and they are now in the process of undergoing a few more training in sweing, baking and hopefully khat and computer labs soon..

As for myself.. Alhamdulillah... I am expecting another addition to the family very soon and alhamdulillah.. according to Dr's opinion it will be a GIRL, insya allah...all praise to our Creator.. its amazing how the Almighty had planned our life the way it is meant to be.. I have so much to be thankful for and I am blessed.

Today, is the 366th day from the day we surrender our daughter back to Our creator.. alhamdulillah.. everyday passed by with much strength only from Allah. As a mother I should say that we are full of emotions.. sometimes we have the inner strength.. sometimes we need time to console ourselves with all the missing and crying.. Yes, I do still cry.. why? its not difficult to understand actually.. I cry because of the love I have for my child..BUT.. innalillahi wainna ilaihi rojiun.. (verily from Allah we come and to All we shall all return) and living things, everything in this entire galaxy belongs to Allah and nothing is permanent.. every little thing no matter how big or small shall one day vanish from this world.

Sarah Khadijah is a very important part of our lives.. there is no way, anyone could ever replace her.. In fact no human being could be replaced by another.. A few days leading to the date we lost our child wasn't really difficult.. Its manageable.. I should say that dear husband appears stronger in emotion than I am as a mother..

November, a month i expect to be difficult will pass soon and Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah.. I only pray for strength for me and the rest of the family to bear with the loss of someone we all loved so much by remembering her in a much fond, loving memory. To shed tears of love rather than sorrow or regret. To know and trust with all our heart that Allah has placed her in the highest, most beautiful, wonderful place, free from pain and sorrow.. we all could only dream, hope and pray to go to.. JANNAH..

Someone once said to me last year that -I was giving up on my daughter- when I decide that I must be prepared to losing her.. today I shall provide u with my answer.. I DID NOT give up.. I AM PREPARED and I do not wish to make my daughter's FINAL JOURNEY be difficult by not letting go.. I give her back to our CREATOR with strong faith that Allah KNOWS WHATS BEST for the BEST person I had in life.

Someone once questioned me last year for not making Kakak and Hannah be at the Surau to accompany Sarah during the last night she was there with us.. and For doubting that I would be able to handle the lost looking at the way I slept beside her the whole night sharing the same pillow and This is my answer :-

It is never easy for an adult to deal with the loss of a child.. so will it be easy for a child to handle the loss of her sibling?  I am amazed at how Kakak could put up to the emotion surrounding the loss of a sister.. anyone who has not been in her shoes should never question her even if she was not there that night, refuse to or even if she was watching TV to ease her emotion.. WHAT do u expect a 10 year old child do? sit next to her sister's body and CRY? Hannah is simply AMAZING.. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for making her see and understand the journey of her sister has come to an end in the most special way.. Anyone who asked Hannah (she was 3 back then) where is Sarah.. she would calmly say.. "Ara in a castle with her TRUE LOVE".. She understand more than anyone else.. she see things clearer than anyone else.. I could handle the loss.. Alhamdulillah... no one can stop me from crying.. I can assure you I will be crying every now and then but I cry out of LOVE nothing else.. I slept beside her on the last night she was with me for I have promised her that if she comes home, I will sleep next to her just like she always wanted and I do it to keep my promise to my daughter for the last time.


Arah, Mama still keep everything you love around me.. Mama could not even remove all of your clothes from your closet.. not because I am not letting u go but I just want to keep apart of you always close to me.. I have lost you and I think it is nothing wrong keeping your things to remind me of how beautiful, cheerful, helpful, wonderful daughter I have.. I still have kan Ara.. YOU are my daughter for eternity and nothing could change that.. We are connected in a very special way no one could explain. Mama love Ara forever and ever..  I did not live a day of my life not thinking about you.. everything reminds us of you.. in a very special way.. May Allah place you in Jannah my love, may Allah keep you happy just like you kept us happy when you r here even after you're gone.. your love, your laughter, your joke and everything else stay with us.. Insya Allah.. we will one day be together again.. until then... Al-fatihah Sarah Khadijah Binti Liza Masrina.

Extra LOVE to Give Away..

I try as much as possible to just 'march forward'.. Sometimes I really do.. sometimes I paused for a while.. Sometimes, I stop for a long time trying to remember the sweet memories we once had. They remain as sweet memories but sweet memories sometimes makes your heart sore.

Last Thursday, kakak came home with an invitation letter for the school's mini sports day. I spontaneously asked kakak "So? u wanna go and cheer your little friends?".. her also spontaneous reply was "Cheer for who? If only Ara is around I will cheer for her!".. after a while I said "Jangan la cakap macam tu kakak".. my heart sore but I kept it hidden far far away in the corner of my heart. After a while she got all excited to go to the mini sportsday. She even made 'pom-pom' to cheer for her 'green house'!

Saturday came.. I know not what to expect or how I would react.. My eyes kept looking for Alesya.. Sarah's kindy best friend. When I saw her, she was wearing Green.. so I told kakak 'Alesya sama macam kakak.. rumah hijau' thinking to myself that If.. If.. (though I know there is no IF) sarah is still around she might be in green house too.. She loved green when she was a baby.. 

The students set up some stalls selling stationary and food.. Kakak wanted to buy a pen but I saw this bag of hello kitty stationary.. so I proposed to her.. she agreed.. I gave kakak 1 and I was holding another..the girl selling stationary asked me "1 or 2?".. In my heart I answered her quietly.. "I usually will buy 2.. I for Kakak and 1 for Ara.."  then I paid for 2.. Imagining how ara will be all smiling if I gave this to her those days. I miss those days.. to be able to give her things she likes..

 

People, what ever Allah give/gave you in life.. Allah will always give you more.. 

I have 3 girls.. and I will have 3 girls till the end of my life.. but since 1 of them is at a place far far better than this world, I have extra.. extra love.. sometimes I distribute it evenly to people I know.. but Allah knows best, he gave me a chance to know someone who looked like Sarah, let me have the chance to still talk, hug and hold Sarah's good friend, let me SHARE that little EXTRA LOVE  I have with others.. still sometimes.. it spills.. 

Yesterday, we went to Jusco AU2. Daiso just opened. I saw a pencil case.. I wanted to give it to Izzah.. Imagining that I am giving it to Sarah.. while I transfer the pencil, eraser, ruler and sharpener from my pouch to the pencil case I bought for Izzah.. my heart says..

"Ara.. mama bagi ni dekat Izzah.. imagining mama bagi ni dekat Ara.." I wish giving that extra love is as simple as giving a gift.. I really hope it will.. I miss hugging Ara.. I miss everything about her.. I know I might not be the best 'mother' to Ara.. but I know I have tried my best and I know I have given up myself for Ara... I know IF (though again there is not IF) I could I WOULD give up my life for her.. 

I have GIVEN UP EVERYTHING for Ara.. except MY LOVE for her.. and now I have EXTRA LOVE to give away..

I now have so much extra Love to give away.. Dear Allah, may Ara will be able to feel my love for her.. I wish I could see her smiling in my dreams.. so tht i can see how happy she is.. 

Like everything good in life is FREE, everything good in will never end and will keep on growing.. 'LOVE'

Mama Miss Ara.. Mama love Ara, Always, forever.. Al-Fatihah Sarah Khadijah.. 

Membina Kasih - Projek Membina Kemhiran / Capability Building Project

Assalamualaikum,

Lama rasanya blog ini sepi.. sunyi.. dan saya masih ingat saya terhutang 1 post lanjutan dari Jualan Amal 'Membina Kasih @ Baitul Ehsan'. Alhamdulillahirobbila'lamin...

Melalui program jualan amal itulah, peluang untuk saya melihat tindak tanduk dan tingkah laku Izzah secara dekat.. cara tidurnya, cara makannya, cara jalan dan cakapnya.. Subhanallah Maha suci allah yang mengaturkan segala sesuatu. Saya yakin, 'jodoh' kami dgn Izzah adalah sebagai pesediaan yang Allah telah rancangkan untuk kami.. malah kemalangan tahun 2010 itu juga sebenarnya adalah persediaan dari Allah.. saya akur, saya redha, saya percaya dan saya yakin.. janji Allah itu pasti..

Pada hari jualan, anak2 perempuan mengadakan persembahan nasyid.. asalnya saya memang bercadang melihat persembahan mereka dari jarak dekat.. sayangnya baru sahaja nyanyian mereka bermula air mata saya tak dapat di bendung, hati saya hiba.. saya rindukan anak saya.. Izzah sangat mengingatkan saya pada Ara.. Mama rindu ara.. Suami saya cuba memujuk yang akhirnya dia juga 'kalah'.. kami sama2 hiba dan sebak.. Ketika Izzah meminta 'pizza' dari saya dan menjamahnya.. saya seolah2 melihat Ara yang makan.. tindak tanduk mereka ada persamaan..

Beberapa hari selepas jualan amal itu, saya sayu, saya menangis.. tetapi sentiasa dengan ingatan dan keyakinan bahawa Allah empunya segala sesuatu dan saya redha..

Wahai pembaca budiman,

Sebelum ini apa saja aktiviti amal yang saya lakukan, saya suka libatkan anak2 saya.. saya usung mereka kemana sahaja.. hari ini, kerja2 amal saya kekurangan seorang 'PENYOKONG SETIA'.. saya redha dengan kehilangan itu dengan harapan saudara2 pembaca menggantikan penyokong setia itu.. mudah2an saya mendapat sokongan orang lain dan mudah2an saya mendapat bantuan ALLAH s.w.t dalam memudahkan urusan saya insya allah..

Kami akan menganjurkan jualan amal sekali lagi di Baitul Ehsan. Kali ini dana dikumpulkan untuk membiayai program latihan kemahiran untuk anak2 yatim dan fakir miskin di Baitul Ehsan. Kami berhasrat mencari individu yang mempunyai kemahiran seperti menjahit, membuat kek dan gunting rambut dan sudi mengajar anak2 ini dengan percuma. Dana ini akan digunakan untuk membeli dan menyediakan peralatan/bahan/mesin yang diperlukan untuk latihan2 kemahiran yang bakal mereka ikuti. Ini adalah program jangka panjang yang kami rangka dengan harapan suatu hari nanti anak2 ini bukan sahaja boleh membantu menjana pendapatan untuk rumah mereka malah dapat menjadi kemahiran yang dapat membantu mereka menyara hidup mereka sendiri.

Program ini dijalankan dengan kerjasama beberapa orang sahabat sukarelawan dan juga sahabat2 saya yang sama2 menjayakan Group 'Gift of Love-GOL'.

Buat sahabat2 yang ingin menyumbangkan bahan mentah, ini senarai bahan mentah yang diperlukan untuk jualan amal itu nanti. Bahan mentah ini akan digunakan untuk membuat pizza, donut, currypuff dan makanan yang akan dijual. 100% hasil jualan makanan ini akan dimasukkan ke dalam dana 'Membina Kemahiran @ Baitul Ehsan'

Sahabat-sahabat pengunjung blog saya, sekiranya tidak keberatan, mohon share program ini dengan sahabat2 dan keluarga anda.. Mudah2an usaha yang sedikit ini akan memanfaatkan anak2 di Baitul Ehsan.. insya allah...

Membina Kasih @ Baitul Ehsan

First of all, my apologies for not sharing the event here in the blog.. I was too busy making preparations and all for the charity sale I hardly have time to update anything in my blog. The idea to have a charity sale to raise fund instead of just collection contributions from members of the public came so sudden it was at first just a blurted out suggestion. Later I figured out that 'yes, it might just be much better than seeking contributions like people normally..' reason being, we create awareness, we inform the public in nearby neighborhood that there is a house for the less fortunate and orphanage here in Taman Maluri.

Preparations starts much much earlier.. with sharing of information through facebook as well as blogger friends. I must say that the cash we manage to raise a day before the sale was less than 4k. Not a big amount I would say. Looking at the location of Baitul Ehsan, Aizat and I were both worried if we will manage to pull enough crowd to come to our sale.

We started with applying for tent, tables and chairs from DBKL and only got the confirmation 2-3 days before the sale date. In facebook we only had 200+ people confirm attending instead of 4k++ invited. Aizat was worried.. if we will manage to get in the fund.. I said, lets just leave everything to Allah.. we try, we work it out but at the end of the day its Allah's will and we must believe that what we're doing is the right thing to do and InsyaAllah, everything will be fine.

Our real 'work' started on Monday 4th Mac 2013. We went out shopping for can drinks and other things needed for the sale. Money seems to grown big on tht day I just could not believe it. It seems like the money hardly spent.. its always there. I started to dream about having a customized tshirt for the kids the week before and in Saturday, 3rd I have got a confirmation from a friend that she will be sponsoring all the kids with tshirts!.ALHAMDULILLAH...

On Tuesday, Amran Ibrahim asked us about performance for sale and then we realize that we didnt have any sound system for the event.. The hunt begins and on Friday afternoon, just few hours before the sale I have a kind soul giving a real special price for the sound system and funds kept pouring in at the last moment as if its meant for the sound system as well as a customized donation box for Baitul Ehsan!

ALHAMDULILLAH..all in all its like eveything I plan and wish for, for Baitul Ehsan became reality.. talking about magic..

I hardly have the time to really thank all who has helped us to make all this happen. So, here it goes.

- To My beloved Mak Cik Mira, who were always there for me, for us and for everyone in Baitul Ehsan, whom despite her full schedule and very busy husband always manage to help getting things done and going out an

d about with me.

- To My beloved Mak Cik Miza whom carried her (Subhanallah Semangat betul!!) grandson along to Baitul Ehsan in the hot sun taking cab on thursday and only went home late night.

- To My mummy dearest for helping me looking after the kids

- To My dearest husband for acting as the Accountant of the day, for being neglected a day or two before the sale as I was so busy with the kids running around arranging stuff.

- To my sweety pie and beloved sister Sasha Saad who came to pick us up on thursday night after the pre-sale preparations.

- To Kak Siti Hufaidah and husband who sponsored us the lovely banner and bunting.. She is almost 9 months pregnant and she came around 11.00 pm sending those stuff to me.

- To my fellow coordinator Sya-Hanim whom despite her busy schedule still manage to help sending over some stuff to Baitul Ehsan, to Mimi Pillai for the encouragement, the purchases and for helping us on the sale day. To Marina Sulaiman who were always there for us spiritually despite her being ill with terrible cough. May Allah make everything easy for you dear (she is due end of this month so, please pray for her and her baby)

- To FKZ printing for the tshirts for the kids in Baitul Ehsan as well as the gifts for all the guardians in Baitul Ehsan, for helping us with the donation box and everything last minute

- To En. Salleh (not sure if he will be able to read this) Thank you so much for the splendid service despite a very very last minute confirmation and for coming all the way to Taman Maluri making sure all is in order tho he was suppose to be on his way to Penang 5am saturday morning.

last but not least,

TO every single person who shared the event, contributed to the event (spiritually, physically, monetary), coming to the event or even following the event through facebook.. I could not thank you enough..as I said, every single bit counts, every single word you passed on for this event counts as Allah knows what lies in out heart..

A BIG Thank you to Children, Ustaz and Ustazah, Ummi, Abuya, Aizat, Azimah and everytone in Baitul Ehsan.. truly, you don't need us but we need you to gain as much blessings as possible for Allah s.w.t.

I shall share my feelings and what was my girls respond the first time they met with Nur Izzah of Baitul Ehsan after Sarah's passing in another post. For now I think I need some rest.. not feeling right these few days. I leave all of you with some pictures taken during the event and alternatively you could have a peek at the event wall.

https://www.facebook.com/events/509751295738092/520122534700968/?notif_t=event_mall_reply

With the young girls in Baitul Ehsan.. they are all very lovable.. 

The afternoon crowd

From front, Ibu (caretaker of the boys hostel in Sungai Kertas, Gombak, Azimah and friends)

The teen girls attending bundle toys and household section.. 

The younger boys of Baitul Ehsan posing with the tshirt by FKZ Printing.

Last HUG before we left the scene on Saturday.. it was around 10pm almost

This was by far the most successful Charity Fund Raising event I have ever organized with my fellow friends in Gift of Love "GOL" group in FB. https://www.facebook.com/groups/GiftOfLoveGroup/

A group we formed more than a year ago while helping lil Qistina Balqis. 

Alhamdulillah....

A Hug of STRENGTH

It will be 3 months soon.. sometimes it feels like only yesterday.. sometimes it feels like it has been ages.. Sometimes it is so easy to smile and be happy but suddenly we cried.

Untuk saya, seorang ibu yang telah kehilangan salah seorang dari anak saya.. setiap hari adalah dugaan untuk kami.. adakalanya dugaan itu bukan sekadar dugaan menanggung rindu terhadap seorang yang lahir dari rahim saya tetapi dugaan didatangi emosi sedih yang adakalanya sukar untuk dibendung, dikawal atau dikekang.. it just came.. and it will take time to leave.

Adakalanya perasaan untuk bercakap dengan Ara yang telah tiada begitu kuat.. Walaupun kita tahu dia tak mungkin dengar tetapi adakalanya hanya itu cara mengubat rasa rindu. Itu dugaan..

Adakalanya sedang ceria berjalan di mall tiba2 sayup-sayup kedengaran lagu yang dimainkan ketika hari graduasi arwah.. 'Our universe will never be the same.. I'm glad u came'.. seolah menyimpan seribu satu makna disebaliknya dan sedang saya mengetuk papan kekunci (wah! sangat la BM nya keyboard) saya terbayang wajah manis, comel, ceria Ara yang saya make-up kan malam graduasinya.. Itu juga dugaan..

Kekuatan yang saya kumpul, yang ada, yang tinggi kemudian surut ini semuanya kurniaan Allah.. That much I believe.. Saya sangat sangat yakin, jika Allah telah menghadirkan dugaan ini untuk saya, Hanya Allah jua yang mampu membantu saya menghadapinya.. Ara menjadi jambatan untuk saya semakin dekat dengan Allah.. amin... Kekuatan yang hari ini nampak ketara di mata manusia lain hanya diketahui oleh Allah.. itu juga dugaan..

Semalam, saya bersama mak cik mira (insan yang banyak bersama suka duka, tawa dan menangis) ke Rumah Anak Yatim Baitul Ehsan. Kami pernah kesana Ramadhan yang lalu.. Sememangnya sangat indah rancangan yang Allah telah aturkan untuk saya.. Ditemukan kami dengan anak yang seiras wajahnya dengan Ara.. waktu itu kami rasa mereka seperti kembar. Izah, anak kepada Umi dan Abi, Pengasas Rumah Baitul Ehsan, mirip Ara.. Ada sekeping gambar mereka yang saya ambil Ramadhan lalu.. Umi, Abi, Aizat dan anak2 Baitul Ehsan juga ada bersama bersolat jenazah dan mengiringi Ara ke tanah perkuburan.. (terjawablah pertanyaan ramai org siapa kumpulan anak2 yang ramai2 tu :))
Jadi, semalam sebelum kesana.. dari pagi mata kanan ini berkedip2.. tak henti.. siapa pula orang jauh yang saya akan jumpa.. Well we have plans to Baitul Ehsan tapi mata berkedip belah kanan ni nak tengok orang jauh ke nak nangis? entah.. but the twitching of the eye is so irritating. I end up sleeping it off for a few hours.

Petang itu kami ke Baitul Ehsan. Perancangan asal untuk kesana bersama sahabat Syakirah Hanim dibatalkan kerana Cek Ya kita demam panas so, kami anak beranak (cik Mira n Me) naik LRT, jalan kaki dan tahan En. Teksi.. Perjalanan terasa pendek.. langkah terasa amat ringan.. Cuaca yang sangat kelam tidak hujan lebat dan terasa perjalanan semalam seolah2 sangat di berkati Alhamdulillah...

Setibanya di rumah.. duduk sebelah umi, sepontan mulut bertanya "Mana anak umi yg macam Ara tu?" Saya masih ingat ketika di tanah perkuburan saya katakan pada umi, izinkan saya tumpang kasih anak umi ye.. dengan linangan airmata, umi kata ya...

Iza turun dan bila saya panggil dia terus menghampiri saya mesra.. saya minta izin peluk Izah tetapi sebaik saja saya memeluknya, rasa hiba saya tak dapat dibendung.. Saya menangis.. agak payah hendak mengawal rasa hiba itu.. Itu juga dugaan..
"Makcik tumpang peluk ya.. mudah2an dapat kekuatan untuk beberapa bulan lagi.." and I know Izah is somewhat puzzled, tetapi dia biarkan saya memeluknya tidak sedikitpun dia menolak.. dan saya rasa lega.. saya rasa hati saya ringan.. saya rasa seolah saya dapat memeluk Ara.. untuk sekian kalinya setelah begitu lama.. I feel like I am hugging U again Ara.. and She smells like you after school Ara! Itu juga dugaan...

I wish I could elaborate more but really its hard to explain the feelings..at the end, I feel light, joy and happy inside! Alhamdulillah.. Aizat, if you are reading this, tolong bagitau Izah jangan takut dengan Aunty Liza ye.. takut lain kali dia nampak saya datang dia lari..

I know she is not Ara.. Ara is irreplaceable, No one in this world can ever replace Ara.. every child, every person is special in their own way no matter how similar they can be.

Ara, one day while we were shopping @ Carrefour, suddenly mama started to have this little voice talking to myself..

"Mama, ara sorry.. ara sorry ara kena pergi.. Ara tau mama strong macam Ara.. Ara sayang mama.. Ara dengar cakap mama.. Ara sorry ara tak dapat hug mama, kiss mama, touch mama lagi sebab Allah  dah ajak Ara balik.. kan mama suruh Ara tunggu mama kan? Ara tunggu mama.. tapi Ara nak mama strong, macam Ara.. Macam mama selalu cakap dekat Ara..

Ara tau kadang2 mama sad.. sebab kita jauh.. sebab mama tak dapat tengok  Ara lagi tapi Ara tau Allah akan jaga Mama, Allah sayang mama.. Sebab tu Allah bawak Ara balik siapkan castle untuk mama ngan papa pulak.."

Ara, sometimes at night, if I close my eyes, Mama rasa macam boleh nampak Ara smiling.. sometimes.. Ara.. mama sayang ara.. mama love ara banyak2.. mama miss everything u said Ara.. mama miss bau ara.. Baju tadika Ara ada lagi dalam almari.. kadang2 bila mama nampak mama cium baju ara.. macam ada bau sikit.. maybe its just my imagination.. Mama nampak dress powerpuff girls purple yang ara suka tu.. and how sweet u looked when u wear the dress.. Mama still keep and treasure all your headbands.. kadang2 mama cium cekak ara.. maybe ada smell rambut ara kat situ..

Ya Allah... ini juga Dugaan..

Apa juga dugaannya, at the end segalanya adalah anugerah dan nikmat Allah.. Hati yang merindu, Hati yang sedih dan hiba, Rasa kasih dan sayang, semua itu nikmat yang datang dari Allah.. Ar-Rahman, Ar-Rahim..

Dari Allah kita datang, kepadaNYA juga kita kembali.. Al-Fatihah untuk Sarah Khadijah.. Mama love ara forever.. Ara tunggu mama ye Ara...

17 January 2013 - A Birthday without You by my side.

We can't spell 'us' without 'u'.. sometimes it is really how we all really feel. Kakak always said to me that it is all so different.. she feels empty.. she feels not as always as she misses her little sister. No words actually could console her or make that feeling go away..

Today, is suppose to be Sarah's 7th birthday but it was written in her 'book' that Sarah Khadijah will remain 6 forever. Previous years, when the date stars approaching the kids birthday, it is so normal for me to think of how we should celebrate their birthday.. I love birthday parties.. I enjoy cooking, baking, preparing them for their parties.. but this year it is all so dull..

I have the image of her last surprise birthday party at school playing in my mind.. how I stay up the night before baking her cakes and how I woke up early getting her ready and asked her to wear her pink dress I sew for her. Pleated her hair and put on pearls headband for her.. She smiles so so so sweetly.. Ara.. cantik sangat ara masa tu..

The nervous but incredibly happy look on her face when her blindfold was taken off and she saw me and her grandmother standing in the classroom with friend singing happy birthday to her is a look i will remember always. And that look was captured in a picture which also my screen saver.. Mama rindu la dekat ara... rindu sangat.. and each time mama rindu.. hati mama sad.. eyes mama ada tears ara...

No cakes, no presents, no wish... This year I could give MY DAUGHTER NOTHING for her birthday..

Para Ulama sependapat bahawa anak2 yang meninggal sebelum baligh tidak perlu disedekahkan Al-fatihah.. kerana mereka adalah golongan yang DIJANJIKAN syurga oleh Allah.. Mereka meninggal dalam keadaa fitrah tanpa dosa walau sebesar zarah..

BUT.. what else can I do to make me feel a tiny bit better on a day I gave birth to my child? Having her being so so out of reach, reciting A-Fatihah is the only gift I can ever afford to give.. sambil hati ini berdoa Ya Allah... pada hari kau menganugerahkan dia kepadaku ini, Sampaikanlah bacaan dan doaku ini sebagai perhiasan paling cantik untuknya Ya Allah, segala yang ghaib yang tidak dapat difikir oleh manusia tetapi tidak mustahil kerana ayat 'Kun Fa Ya Kun' maka Ya Allah.. sampaikanlah doa ini sebagai hadiah dari seorang ibu untuk anaknya.. Sesungguhnya rasa kasih yang telah kau anugerahkan dalam hati hambamu ini.. adalah anugerah yang KEKAL Ya Allah..

Ara.. mama sad.. sebab mama miss ara.. but NEVER NEVER NEVER once I feel sorry for what has happen to you Ara.. Mama know that is the BEST for you.. Mama tau mama can never give you what Allah has given you Ara.. Ara is so special... Ara is so kind and pure that Allah wanted to preserve that quality in you Ara.. and mama redha..

Remembering all the good times we had when Ara is with us, makes mama miss Ara even more.. but where you are now Ara, holding the key and waiting for the day Allah has promised that we will meet each other againg.. subhanallah.. it makes me feel nothing less than JOY.. Alhamdulillah.. mama pegang pada janji Allah yang one day we will be together again Ara..

Ara.. mama dah tak de apa yang boleh mama bagi Ara.. Ara anak mama yang dah berjaya Dunia dan Akhirat sebenarnya dah tak perlukan apa2 lagi dari mama.. Tapi mama tetap mama.. Mama yang ara tau suka belikan ara present..sampai hari ni mama cuma boleh doa Allah sampaikan 'present' mama pada Ara..
I hope I will have a beautiful dream hugging, holding and kissing you tonight on your birthday in shaa allah..

Mama rindu ara.. mama sayang ara.. there is no HUMAN LOVE much GREATER than Mama's love for you Ara.. the only love greater than my love to you is ALLAH's love..