We can't spell 'us' without 'u'.. sometimes it is really how we all really feel. Kakak always said to me that it is all so different.. she feels empty.. she feels not as always as she misses her little sister. No words actually could console her or make that feeling go away..
Today, is suppose to be Sarah's 7th birthday but it was written in her 'book' that Sarah Khadijah will remain 6 forever. Previous years, when the date stars approaching the kids birthday, it is so normal for me to think of how we should celebrate their birthday.. I love birthday parties.. I enjoy cooking, baking, preparing them for their parties.. but this year it is all so dull..
I have the image of her last surprise birthday party at school playing in my mind.. how I stay up the night before baking her cakes and how I woke up early getting her ready and asked her to wear her pink dress I sew for her. Pleated her hair and put on pearls headband for her.. She smiles so so so sweetly.. Ara.. cantik sangat ara masa tu..
The nervous but incredibly happy look on her face when her blindfold was taken off and she saw me and her grandmother standing in the classroom with friend singing happy birthday to her is a look i will remember always. And that look was captured in a picture which also my screen saver.. Mama rindu la dekat ara... rindu sangat.. and each time mama rindu.. hati mama sad.. eyes mama ada tears ara...
No cakes, no presents, no wish... This year I could give MY DAUGHTER NOTHING for her birthday..
Para Ulama sependapat bahawa anak2 yang meninggal sebelum baligh tidak perlu disedekahkan Al-fatihah.. kerana mereka adalah golongan yang DIJANJIKAN syurga oleh Allah.. Mereka meninggal dalam keadaa fitrah tanpa dosa walau sebesar zarah..
BUT.. what else can I do to make me feel a tiny bit better on a day I gave birth to my child? Having her being so so out of reach, reciting A-Fatihah is the only gift I can ever afford to give.. sambil hati ini berdoa Ya Allah... pada hari kau menganugerahkan dia kepadaku ini, Sampaikanlah bacaan dan doaku ini sebagai perhiasan paling cantik untuknya Ya Allah, segala yang ghaib yang tidak dapat difikir oleh manusia tetapi tidak mustahil kerana ayat 'Kun Fa Ya Kun' maka Ya Allah.. sampaikanlah doa ini sebagai hadiah dari seorang ibu untuk anaknya.. Sesungguhnya rasa kasih yang telah kau anugerahkan dalam hati hambamu ini.. adalah anugerah yang KEKAL Ya Allah..
Ara.. mama sad.. sebab mama miss ara.. but NEVER NEVER NEVER once I feel sorry for what has happen to you Ara.. Mama know that is the BEST for you.. Mama tau mama can never give you what Allah has given you Ara.. Ara is so special... Ara is so kind and pure that Allah wanted to preserve that quality in you Ara.. and mama redha..
Remembering all the good times we had when Ara is with us, makes mama miss Ara even more.. but where you are now Ara, holding the key and waiting for the day Allah has promised that we will meet each other againg.. subhanallah.. it makes me feel nothing less than JOY.. Alhamdulillah.. mama pegang pada janji Allah yang one day we will be together again Ara..
Ara.. mama dah tak de apa yang boleh mama bagi Ara.. Ara anak mama yang dah berjaya Dunia dan Akhirat sebenarnya dah tak perlukan apa2 lagi dari mama.. Tapi mama tetap mama.. Mama yang ara tau suka belikan ara present..sampai hari ni mama cuma boleh doa Allah sampaikan 'present' mama pada Ara..
I hope I will have a beautiful dream hugging, holding and kissing you tonight on your birthday in shaa allah..
Mama rindu ara.. mama sayang ara.. there is no HUMAN LOVE much GREATER than Mama's love for you Ara.. the only love greater than my love to you is ALLAH's love..
