Sorry if I literally kept you waiting for the 2nd part of this post. I have been quite busy organizing things around me and moving into a new chapter of my life which we will talk about it later la huh..
Now, where were we?... oh ya.. The Nursing Home thingy-majigy... Is Nursing Home really that bad? I know some of you will like frown by now when I mention about it. Some even label people who send their parents to nursing home as disloyal/treacherous (derhaka) but tell me this, which is more disloyal, sending them to the nursing home to ensure that they are well taken care off and that there are people always around to attend to them especially when they are ill or keeping them at home with you but leaving them alone when you are at work. I am not against people who choose to care for their parents themselves in fact they have my highest level of respect.
Let me give u some example for you to judge la okay.. I have an aunt who is a journalist and uncle who is a a flight steward taking turns looking after my grandmother who was partially paralized due to hypertension. She could hardly do anything on her own. My aunt will do ANYTHING and I really mean ANYTHING within her means to please my grandmother and make her as comfortable as possible. As a mother I would want my children to treat me the way my aunt had treated my grandmother although I hope I will not be as grumpy as she is! My aunt doesnt cook. I remember we used to come to her apartment to help her finish up her instant pizza and all but when my grandmother said she crave for 'begedil' (its like hash brown w minced meat or like a potato patty) she really tried doing it and though she doesn't know how, she used logic to make up a recipe which at the end doesn't turn out well. When I got to know about it, I made begedil the next day and send it to my grandmothers house. Coincidently, I have extra potato which I have kept in the fridge and I must cook it up while its still good. Mum told me the next day how my grandmother liked the begedil and what others including my grandmother commented about the begedil my aunt did (tht didn't turn out well). I felt BAD! really bad and I must admit I somehow regretted sending begedil there.. maybe I should wait a bit later. Why? because I know why my aunt go through all the trouble. She has made it out of LOVE and I am sure she would be very very very happy if she receives some kind of recognition or acknowledgement especially from my grandmother. How I wish others would see all that. I understand what she feel because I always do the same thing and hope for the same thing and on a few occasion, got mocked or feel unappreciated when all I want was just a simple gesture of appreciation or at least having to say nothing is good enough! My aunt meets the criteria of a child who tend to their parents the same way (or maybe better than) her parents had tend to her when she was young and I must say my grandmother is very very fortunate! Tending to elderly people is not an easy task. It requires patience at a very high level, understanding, love and affection. I have came across many many elderly people who is very grumpy, calculative, bad tempered with very bad habit, just name it but I always keep in mind that people cannot be what we want them to be, If we choose to fight BAD with BAD that makes us equally BAD. I would want to be the most GOOD person.. and I will try my best to be just that and what better way to do it other than to be NICE to people who treated you badly. Having said that, you be able to determine the level of BAD-ness so that you will not be a victim.
I know someone who left his mother and only came back to peep at her once in a while. Why do I say 'peep'? because he came home once in a blue moon and with no intention to see what he can do to ensure that his mother (who is supposedly his responsibility) have all the things she needs to survive. Maybe he thinks that his brother is home every end of the month so he doesn't have to. When you have other siblings it means you get to share the responsibility to care for your mother equally but this person choose to put the whole responsibility to his only brother and practically washed his hands off clean especially after he had married. He has no initiative to even try to come home to tend to his sick mother when she was warded a few times. It didn't even bother him that his mother need someone to help her buy monthly groceries if his brother could not make it back to their hometown by end of the moth for whatever reason. He didn't even care to pay for his mother's medical bills let alone chip in any amount of money for his mother's monthly supply of medicine. On the other hand, this person is the kindest person to his in-laws, including sisters n brothers in laws. He could be an 'Imam' (leader for prayers), He appeared very soft spoken and full of love. He serve food on the bed for his wife when she was sick. He practically hugs his wife and 'lullaby' her to soother her pain when she has high fever. He cried when his grandmother-in-law passed away, and he would do almost anything to please the other side of the family but did nothing for his own mother. What kind of child is that?? I leave to you, the readers to fill in the blanks.
I believe, in life, as a human being, as a child, as a parent, as a grown up and finally as an elderly, we have to be fair and try to maintain the perfect BALANCE in life. One cannot do too much of this than the other the same way you can't eat too much of something.
We grow up seeing what other people do, extract the bad and try to avoid doing the same but to do it better. Take every bits and pieces of things you came across in life as a lesson you can learn and improve yourself. Me? Seeing all this, teaches me to be a reasonable parent, be fair, be just, be open minded, full of love as that should keep the family together. Mother, Father are as important as my Children. I only wish to do anything that will make my mother (and when I say Mother, I do mean My Own Mother and My Mother In-Law) happy, the same I would want my children to do for me. Nothing less, hopefully more.
Thanks for reading.. :)
