It isn't easy and it doesn't happen to everyone..

Yesterday, the announcement of the UPSR result was made for all Primary schools in Malaysia. It reminds me when I took my result in SK Sacred Heart Cannossian Convent. How do I eventually end up being there? Well its a looooong story altogether.. anyway, I still remembered the silence and the look on my father’s face... couldn’t believe I got 3A’s and a D! 1 D has actually overshadowed the other 3 A’s in front. I felt upset, sad, frustrated, scared all at the same time. There’s hardly any smile on my face at that moment.

 

Looking back, I felt a bit proud of myself actually. I was a drop-out when I was in standard 3. I did not went to any school for the whole of standard 4 and 5 but only managed to go back to school when I was in standard 6 in Melaka while travelling every morning from Durian Daun to Bandar Hilir by bus as early as 6 am. Left out almost 2/6 of the whole of primary years, 3As and 1D is really quite an achievement! Its not easy though, I did not do my revisions, I did not go for any tuitions, I did not go for any extra classes in school.. normal school hours, ditto.

 

I remembered SHCC’s then headmistress, Ms. Helen Pereira. She is a very good person, Very attentive, caring, full of support and everyone respect her very much! (she deserves it!). She was the one who saw me wondering in the school compound and asked me who I am with. She went on to meet my father when we were sleeping behind the sound and light show sitting in Bandar Hilir and asked my father to transfer me to SHCC so that I may sit for my UPSR exam that year. She has so much confidence in me. Always encourage to me participate in the school activity. I remembered a clown dance (we wore gloves, paint our faces and dance with a rock n roll song). She always put my name in the list of recipient of ‘bantuan’ for Hari Raya, she would come over to my class just to check on me and even teaches English subject for my class! Once, she took me and Izuan to the school canteed and ordered the canteed owner to give us meal everyday, whatever we want, whenever we want and bill it to her! Too bad, after I got my UPSR exam and came back for my ‘sijil tamat persekolahan’, I never met her again. Here, today,  I would like to record my sincere appreciation and gratitude to a very kind person who has helped me so much in a year! I wish I would be able to see her again.

 

I heard Ms. Helen Pereira got married to a ‘Mat Saleh’. Not so sure about that, but a person as kind as her will be blessed with a very happy family. I hope she is living happily wherever she is now.. which reminds me, maybe I can search for her in FB!

 

Liza Masrina Ibrahim

 

 

 

 

Another day, another story..

Days in the office are never quiet.. most of the time we tease each other, some other time we share stories. Always its about family, kids, husband, mother, relatives and the list goes on and on.

 

Last night, I created a facebook account for Yasmeen. The main reason is to just let her play with farm ville.. nothing much. But I hope there will be a limit for it.. just farm ville and nothing more than that. Its good to be Internet savvy but not addicted to it like her ‘achu’!

 

Yasmeen is special in her own way. Besides being very attentive, she is how I was when I was her age. I often see myself in her. When I nagged at her for not drying her towel after bath, it reminds me of the days mum used to nag at me! Looking at her interest to help in the kitchen and her enthusiastic look when I let her play or deco the cake again reminds me of when I used to sit next to my Aunty Aileen when she was mixing the batter for a chocolate cake! I said it looks like ‘pooh-pooh’ and she was so upset she said “Fine! Then u don’t eat when its baked!” hahahaha! I also often followed her when she attended a cooking class somewhere in Jalan Ipoh, I tagged along when I was about Yasmeen’s age or younger. Maybe I should let her participate more in the kitchen now that she’s 7. I know I’m going to miss this moment if I don’t do it soon.

 

When they’re below teenage everything u do means so much to them. Even a simple cake will impress my daughters. Yasmeen looked highly on me. Often praised me for the things I did.. as I will when she did well in no matter what. Although she clings on me and most of the time be fairly obedient, sometimes she will rebel.. and when that happens, it usually turns ugly. Often because I wanted to remain ‘right’ most of the time without wanted to listen to what she wanted to say. I think that is what I need to cut out on. Being the eldest I expect she could at least guide her sisters in whatever I’ve guided her.

 

I have a friend whom I know is very worry to be pushed aside by her teenage daughter. No matter how close you are to your girls, come a day you will have to let loose of the string and let the young kite fly.. fly high but still holding on the string so that you could still pull her down when she has gone too far out of sight. I remember my teenage ‘years’ as a kite being given full fledge to fly! Nothing could stop me really except for the love for my mother! Whatever I do, although it is to actually get back at her, I always think twice. I know, I’ve made mistakes.. things I hope none of my daughters will ever do in their whole entire life but I regret and I repent! Ya Allah, Ampunkan lah dosa2 ku.. Whats past is past.. I have to acknowledge that was my own mistake and has nothing to do with anyone in the whole wide world, its totally, 100% my choice. Like I’ve said before, let nothing we do today be remembered as a reason for something that will happen in the future. No.. karma.. its all fated! Ditto!

 

That being said, I hope I could remain as a very close friend to my daughters. I hope in whatever they do, they will always have me in their list. While being strict and particularly fussy in most of the things as compared to their father, I did it out of love.. for my daughters.  I acknowledge that all mothers feel the same. Especially concern if you have girls and mind you I have 3!

 

I  must say that despite the huge responsibility, the freedom, the countless misunderstanding and judgement, I love my mother, Nurul Huda Mohamed dearly more than anything precious in this world! Its her trust, her love, her advice, her understanding that made me who I am today. Credit should be given for her openness in almost everything when it comes to any matters concerning me! I love you, Mi!

 

My daughters are the next most precious thing in my life! I would give up anything for them. That being said, I hope I could give them all the love they want and be the best-est mother in all land!!

 

 

Liza Masrina Ibrahim

November chill, November heat..

 

Its been a while since I last posted something on this blog, time flies when you’re enjoying yourself and indeed I am. Found a new passion and a dying a desire to bake since I came back from my maternity leave hence limiting my time to almost everything I’ve been doing before.. sewing for example!

 

For so many talent I have, I am alhamdulillah very greatful for the many talent and skills I am born with. Some people are born with a special hidden talent that will be discovered as they grew older or is it just my interest that made that work?! I don’t know but what ever it is, it comes very naturally.. not because of jelousy or ‘kiasu’ to someone else. I know others who wanted to do the same simply because they can’t take it when other people seems to be a little bit MORE them themselves. Kiasu la tu!!

 

Anyway, lets get back on track..

 

Yasmeen’s 1^st year at school is almost to the end. Looking at her, I see part of myself (Dhaaa?!) I mean her attitude, her interest, her talent. I hope all my girls will have all the skills I have and the ‘magical hand’ I am blesses with. I sure hope they are ‘gifted’ just like their mama (or ‘ibu’ as they enjoy calling nowadays!) Yasmeen, writing skills are good, her grades in Bahasa Melayu and English is good but her maths is just like me! Hahaha not so good and couldn’t be bothered to count! The first 6 months of year 2009, she went to Sekolah Agama, progress is not so good, with her exam marks be just beyond the ‘fail’ line, I only see a very stresses and tired little girl. Come June, during my confinement, she started to skip her Sekolah Agama. Since she started her year 1, with 2 schools, we pass the ‘mengaji’ session to accomodate her homeworks. By end of June, she stopped her Sekolah Agama completely. I remember once day during Syawal month she came back from school asking if she could go to her Sekolah Agama for just 1 day to join the ‘Majlis Hari Raya’   Just 1 day?! Hahaha I laugh out loud just by remembering the look on her face! Anyway, we managed to talked her off the idea of going for just 1 day and having to answer all the questions imposed by her Ustazah about her dissapearance!

 

Sarah on the other hand has been showing signs of learning to write and read. Once, I was filling in Yasmeen’s school form and I was writing her name, when my pen fnished wiriting ‘H’ she uttered ‘Sarah’.. I looked at her and asked her how does she knows its her name? “ye la.. tu kan Sarah Khadijah”.. may be its just a conincidence but surely its a nice one! Sarah is a very soft hearted sister. She is something like her ‘Ayah’. She show affecting in her own way, very softly.. sometimes she will kiss Hannah’s little finger, sometimes she will just sit next to Hannah and stroke her hair.. she will speak very softly to her sister.. not a very good entertainer like Yasmeen but she love her sister dearly! We went to have lunch and there was a ‘makcik’ who worked at the Nasi Ayam stall offer to carry Hannah while we have our lunch. Sarah was eating her plate of Nasi Ayam when she suddenly stop eating and her eyes were still looking at the ‘Makcik’ carring her sister. She keep on asking “Nyape nenek tu dukung Hannah??” (why is the granny carrying Hannah?) to that I said its just for a while until we all finish eating. Restless, She finally gave up eating! Later that evening when Makcik Patimah (my weekly cleaner) came by, I told her of the incident, Sarah told her Nenek Patimah “Ye la, nenek tu ambik Hannah, Arah tak bole makan la..” (Ya, the granny took Hannah that’s why I can’t eat la..). That goes to show how much she adores Hannah!

 

Cody’s birthday on 10th October 2009, brother celebrated at a Restaurant in Damansara Perdana. I made a no. 1 cake for Cody. It reminds me of those many cakes we had when we were young. I have had a no. 7 , no. 9 cake. Izuan had no. 1 cake, brother also had no. 8 cake if I’m not mistaken. Only Abie doesn’t have one. Looking back, so many things has happened since so many years. 30 years of my life is so full of drama, colours of life, countless misunderstanding, thousands of fights! When Izuan and Abie was still schoolgoing, its is with great challenge that they finish their studies and at least have a SPM regardless the results. After SPM is not the end of anything, its the beginning of a new line of life. I enrolled both to CIDB programme and they both graduated a Certificate in Architectural Drafting. At that time, I do hope that the similarities will bring them closer togther but I have forgotten being just a few years gap, they in turn always compete against each other.

 

Its amazing how they could be so  nice to other people who aren’t their flesh and blood as compared to their own siblings! Reasons may be “Outsiders treats u better than your own family” but is it true?? No doubt that there are friends as good as family but no one could ever take the place of your family member. That is what I’ve been standing for all these years. I can just leave everything behind and move on with my life having a small family but why do I take the risk, take the chance, take the blame, take the challenge of guiding these few bulls left in the family? Why don’t just walk off and let them figure out what they want to do with their life after all I have helped them enough! Why must I still be there for them to consult, for them to talk to, for them to scream at and for them to lean on when they’re in trouble?

 

BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT FAMILIES ARE MEANT TO BE! To be able to forgive when there’s wrong, to be able to share when there’s happy or sorrow, good or bad, to be able to hold out a shoulder to lean on when needed,  to be able to see potential in every weaknesses, to be able to trust although it has always been betrayed, to be able to love regardless the price they need to pay! Most importantly, to be able to FORGIVE no matter what the case!

 

Sometimes I wonder, If we could do so much good, be so much nicer to other people just so that you look good in their eyes, don’t we wanna look good in the eyes of our family? In the eyes of our parents, siblings, spouse, children first before we even dream of being a ‘SAINT’ in the eyes of others..

 

Cheers,

 

Liza Masrina Ibrahim

12 November 2009

10.12 AM

Sent from the messy desk in Zain & Co